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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Rick Moranis To Star In Straight-To-Video Release Honey, I Shrunk Some More Shit

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Disney Pictures announced Monday that it has signed Rick Moranis to star in Honey, I Shrunk Some More Shit, the 27th production in the ongoing TV and film franchise. "All heck breaks loose when the family’s lawn mower is shrunk to the size of a little toy mower," Disney CEO Michael Eisner told reporters. "And then the refrigerator shrinks. Then the family’s new piano, then the guy who checks the gas meter, then, for an over-the-top climax, the oldest son’s bicycle." Said Moranis: "Basically, I’m going to be running around the house, shrinking a whole bunch of shit."

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