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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Rick Reilly Columns Increasingly Laden With Cries For Help

BRISTOL, CT—For the past six months, the columns and essays written by ESPN's Rick Reilly, including "Why Michael Vick Deserves Redemption More Than I Do," "The Hot Stove And Why I Want To Put My Head In It," and "Caddying For The Grim Reaper," have become increasingly punctuated by anguished appeals for someone to save him from himself, ESPN readers have noted. "It will be here at Augusta, where so much golf history has taken place and where I'd like to walk slowly into a water hazard until the placid blue water closes over me, leaving no trace that I was ever born," Reilly wrote in his column last week, a piece titled "When It's Gone, It's Gone" which deals with Tiger Woods' slump and Reilly's apparent wish for self-destruction. "And if he's doomed, if he disappears forever, you have to wonder if anyone would notice. Next week, I take Roger Clemens bowling and try to choke back the bile." Sources at ESPN said they have considered speaking to Reilly about his obvious personal problems, but decided against it after realizing Reilly's columns are the most engaging they've been in years.

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