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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Rick Santorum Asks U.S. Populace If He's Still Running For President

DES MOINES, IA—At a campaign stop Monday, former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum asked a crowd assembled in the parking lot of a Hy-Vee supermarket if he was still running for president. "America, I have only one question for you," said Santorum, who later wondered aloud if he might be mistaking himself for former Utah governor Jon Huntsman. "Am I, Rick Santorum, still a candidate for president of the United States? I think I am, but then again, I may have dropped out months ago because nobody really pays attention to me or cares about what I have to say. It's like I'm here but I'm not here. Anyway, just let me know if I'm still up for the nomination. Thanks!" Santorum's question has drawn comparisons to one put forth by fellow candidate Herman Cain, who in a recent speech asked his supporters why he was running for president.

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