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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Rickey Henderson Says He'll Only Join Hall Of Fame If He Can Start

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—All-time stolen base leader Rickey Henderson told Baseball Hall of Fame officials Monday that he would only join Cooperstown's most prestigious club if he could start in left field and bat leadoff. "Man, Rickey's still got it, and it would be disrespectful to myself and my family if I entered a situation where I was playing backup to [former left fielders] Stan Musial or Ted Williams," Henderson said during the hour-long telephone negotiation, adding, "What are those guys, like, 50? Rickey does not ride the pine. Rickey plays. You think Lou Brock can run like me? Please. Goodbye." Henderson later told reporters that he would also be willing to enter the Hall of Fame in Japan, if necessary, and play his remaining years there.

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