Ricky Williams: 'I'm Looking Forward To Being A Toronto Hydroponic'

In This Section

Vol 42 Issue 21

School Monitors Student Blogs

A school district in Illinois is going to monitor students’ blogs and MySpace profiles for "illegal and inappropriate behavior." What do you...

.xxx Rejected

ICANN, the U.S.-based corporation that assigns Internet domain names, rejected the designation ".xxx" earlier this month under pressure from...

May 26, 1996

Oprah Secedes from U.S., Forms Independent Nation Of Cheesecake-Eating Housewives
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

Ricky Williams: 'I'm Looking Forward To Being A Toronto Hydroponic'

MIAMI—Ricky Williams announced Monday that, instead of sitting out a year while serving his NFL substance-abuse suspension, he would "absolutely, totally, really, really, totally love to play with the Torontono [sic] Hydroponics" in the Canadian Football League in 2006. "It would be a great way for me to play some football, keep in shape, and show people I'm ready to play some football by getting some playing time in," Williams said in the 26-minute message he recorded during a 4 a.m. call to a Miami-area television station. "And that's not even—seriously, brah, you know that's not even getting into the football I could play there. For the fine people. People of Torino." If Williams' transfer to the CFL is approved, his one-year contract is expected to be worth U.S. $300,000 in cash and sandwiches.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More