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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Ridley Scott Trades Russell Crowe To Tim Burton For Johnny Depp

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Directors Ridley Scott and Tim Burton traded their favorite actors Wednesday, closing a deal in which Scott received Johnny Depp and Burton received Russell Crowe plus two guys from Black Hawk Down and a three-pack of watermelon Bubble Yum. "I'm going to cover his face in white powder and make him wear a purple fright wig and a Victorian frock coat with swirls all over it," said Burton, who unsuccessfully attempted to trade away an old Michael Keaton with whom he hardly ever plays anymore. "Russell Crowe's going to be the best misfit undertaker ever!" Scott, meanwhile, told reporters that he was just glad he got rid of a crappy action figure like Crowe and that he and Burton had definitely called no tradebacks.

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