Right Guy To Fuck With Identified

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Vol 42 Issue 35

Crocodile Hunter Dead At 44

Steve Irwin, star of Discovery Channel’s The Crocodile Hunter, was killed by a stingray while filming in Australia. What do you think?

Nebraska State Trooper In Klan

An arbitrator for the state of Nebraska ruled that a state trooper could not be fired for belonging to the Ku Klux Klan. What do you think?
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Right Guy To Fuck With Identified

BLOOMINGTON, IN—After having repeatedly been observed talking on the phone with his girlfriend, fumbling with a student-lounge vending machine, and eating egg-salad sandwiches, 20-year-old Indiana University student Winslow Fulbright was positively identified as the right guy to fuck with, acquaintances announced Tuesday. "We knew from the way he stared blankly at us when we asked him what brand maxi-pad he uses that we were not in any way about to make the biggest mistake of our lives," said sophomore Chad Irving, 19, who, along with two others, put salt in Fulbright’s Diet Coke, convinced him he’d lost all his Microsoft Word files, and incessantly mussed his hair yesterday. "We are absolutely confident that he’s the long sought-after ‘some schmuck’ who will take this shit lying down." When asked how long he was going to let the torment go on, Fulbright was interrupted every time he tried to respond.

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