Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled Moonbeam Sunday with an all-new backing band. “Even though we’ve got a new lineup, this album really represents what The Beatles have always done best,” said Starr, whose new bandmates include a 27-year-old session bassist, a former touring guitarist for Jefferson Starship, and a backing vocalist from the Broadway production of Rock Of Ages. “It’s got a lot of great pop hits interspersed with some longer, more psychedelic explorations—we wanted to try out some new stuff while also staying true to who The Beatles are. It’s definitely a throwback to our late-’60s sound, but also with bits of our mid-’80s experimentation peppered in—I guess you can think of it as a spiritual successor to The Colonel’s Jamboree or the last installment of an informal trilogy including The Porridge Papers and Sally Sally.” Starr went on to say that as long as fans continued supporting The Beatles, he would keep giving them the music they’ve always loved.

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