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Rising Star John Kerry's Stirring Speech Paves Way For 2016 Presidential Run

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Election 2016

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In response to Donald Trump’s growing presidential primary lead, here’s how Republican Party leaders are ramping up efforts to prevent him from getting enough delegates to win the nomination outright.

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DES MOINES, IA—Noting that the Republican presidential candidate had not announced any plans to visit Iowa since the state held its caucus 11 weeks ago, baffled sources reported Wednesday that it remains unclear why thousands of loud, cheering Donald Trump supporters are gathering outside the Wells Fargo Arena in Des Moines.

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Trump Catches Self Briefly Believing Own Campaign Rhetoric

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ALMA, WI—Saying the putrid stench of rancid dairy had caused numerous onlookers to gag and rush out of the barn, sources at Noll’s Family Farm confirmed Monday that only a thin stream of curdled, spoiled liquid was emerging from the cow that Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz was attempting to milk during a campaign photo op.

How A Contested Convention Would Work

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Advisors Tell Trump, Cruz To Stick To Just Attacking All Women In General

JANESVILLE, WI—Attempting to reduce the negative publicity generated by their candidates’ recent attacks on each other’s wives, top campaign advisors reportedly instructed Republican presidential hopefuls Donald Trump and Ted Cruz in private meetings Monday to stick to just attacking all women in general, sources confirmed.
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Election 2016

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Rising Star John Kerry's Stirring Speech Paves Way For 2016 Presidential Run

CHARLOTTE, NC—Rising Democratic star John Kerry took the stage at his party’s national convention Thursday night, delivering a rousing speech that many political insiders are saying may pave the way for the Massachusetts senator to make a formidable 2016 presidential run. “Sen. Kerry’s electrifying and thought-provoking address offered unique views on America’s place in the modern world and proves he is a force to be reckoned with in 2016,” said syndicated columnist and blogger Robert Eukel, who noted the up-and-coming politician showcased a unique ability to address both sides of the political divide, demonstrating his potential to become “the future of the Democratic party.” “His message really resonated with the audience and created the kind of energy and excitement the Democrats haven’t experienced in a long time. This guy has got it.” Political analysts are already comparing Kerry to former Florida governor Jeb Bush, whose invigorating speech at last week’s Republican National Convention has already been credited with helping to establish him as one of America’s most prominent conservative leaders.

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