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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Rival Dojo In For Big Surprise At Regionals

ASHBURN, VA—Local 17-year-old Clint Hrabik, a second kyū brown belt at Ashburn Enshin Karate, issued a statement Wednesday indicating that rival dojo Falls Church Enshin Karate was in for a big surprise at regionals this year. “Sensei Nima and his students may think they’re the best dojo in northeastern Virginia, but they will soon learn they are quite mistaken; we’ve been doing things a little differently up here in Loudoun County,” said Hrabik, cryptically hinting that Ashburn’s Sensei Vlado has taught his second-place team “a little something” Falls Church won’t be expecting. “Let’s just put it this way: We’ve incorporated a very interesting new technique into our training. And Sensei has taught us well.” Region 2 AAU Karate championships will take place Dec. 1 at 2 p.m. in the Fairfax High School boys’ gymnasium.

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