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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.
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Rival Dojo In For Big Surprise At Regionals

ASHBURN, VA—Local 17-year-old Clint Hrabik, a second kyū brown belt at Ashburn Enshin Karate, issued a statement Wednesday indicating that rival dojo Falls Church Enshin Karate was in for a big surprise at regionals this year. “Sensei Nima and his students may think they’re the best dojo in northeastern Virginia, but they will soon learn they are quite mistaken; we’ve been doing things a little differently up here in Loudoun County,” said Hrabik, cryptically hinting that Ashburn’s Sensei Vlado has taught his second-place team “a little something” Falls Church won’t be expecting. “Let’s just put it this way: We’ve incorporated a very interesting new technique into our training. And Sensei has taught us well.” Region 2 AAU Karate championships will take place Dec. 1 at 2 p.m. in the Fairfax High School boys’ gymnasium.

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