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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Rob Neyer Invents Statistic To Measure Own Disenchantment With Baseball

PORTLAND, OR—ESPN.com baseball columnist Rob Neyer has announced the formula for a new statistic which compares and contrasts his own disillusionment with the sport of baseball against that felt by his fellow sabermetricians. "It's called Baseball Fatigue Average, or 'BFA,' and it's the most comprehensive anti-baseball stat out there," said Neyer in a chat session in which he also argued the meaninglessness of the run batted in."It takes into account the extreme importance given to the walk, coincidentally the least interesting part of the sport, and factors in the sheer randomness of the game and how little effect players ultimately have upon the outcome. Even the Crack Of The Bat Quotient and the Smell Of The Freshly Cut Grass Under A Cloudless Robin's-Egg-Blue Sky On A Warm Spring Afternoon Index are not enough to counteract the effects of BFA. And the best part is, you don't have to watch a single ennui-producing pitch of Major League Baseball to figure out how little you like it." Neyer announced he will now turn his attention to reducing the abstract concept of "fun" down to a single significant digit.

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