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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Rob Schneider Lands Role Originally Written For Chimp

LOS ANGELES—Actor Rob Schneider's next comedic role was originally intended for August Lord Oook, a veteran comic actor and chimpanzee. "True, Oook was the whole reason for the project in the beginning, but then Rob came in and just blew everybody away with a great reading, and we had to give it to him," producer Cary Simonthal said of the role of Reginald T. Zappers, the cross-dressing simian bank robber who seductively lures overweight guards into the vaults and knocks them out with his purse, until one hard-headed, warm-hearted, near-sighted rent-a-cop shows Zappers the power of true love. "Sure, there are things the chimp could do better, but Rob's working with a speech coach, and he brings just as much name recognition to the project." Schneider's performance in Chimp Change, co-starring Vince Vaughn as himself, will be released in theaters next spring.

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