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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Robbie Knievel Jumps Entire Generation's Awareness

BUTTE, MT—In his most dangerous and ambitious feat to date, motorcycle stuntman Robbie Knievel, the 44-year-old son of 1970s daredevil megastar Evel Knievel, has safely soared over the attention of nearly every single American between the ages of 13 and 31.

"After having shattered all of my father's records, I knew I had to do something spectacular that he would not have been able to pull off in his wildest dreams," said Knievel, whose recent A&E reality-show stunt also landed him clean on the other side of most major nationwide demographics.

"But I never could have done it without the millions and millions of young people who either have no idea I exist or are only vaguely aware of my last name." Experts warned that if Knievel continues to attempt demographic jumps of this size, it could end his career.

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