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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Robert Kraft On Tom Brady: 'I'd Prefer If He'd Stay For The Entire Night'

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Patriots owner Robert Kraft told reporters Thursday that he would prefer it if Tom Brady would sleep by his side for the entire night instead of leaving before Kraft wakes up. "Sometimes Tom and I will be so happy in each other's arms, but then he always makes some excuse about how he's got a busy day tomorrow and then suddenly he's gone at like three in the morning," said Kraft, insisting that he did not want to say anything that would push his starting quarterback away. "I know T-Bone is really busy, but I just want to be a part of his life. It hurts when you're looking forward to spooning someone and he's not around. It's not much fun eating breakfast in bed all by yourself." The owner reportedly expressed concern that Brady refused to spend the night because Kraft could never give him a baby.

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