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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Robert Kraft On Tom Brady: 'I'd Prefer If He'd Stay For The Entire Night'

FOXBOROUGH, MA—Patriots owner Robert Kraft told reporters Thursday that he would prefer it if Tom Brady would sleep by his side for the entire night instead of leaving before Kraft wakes up. "Sometimes Tom and I will be so happy in each other's arms, but then he always makes some excuse about how he's got a busy day tomorrow and then suddenly he's gone at like three in the morning," said Kraft, insisting that he did not want to say anything that would push his starting quarterback away. "I know T-Bone is really busy, but I just want to be a part of his life. It hurts when you're looking forward to spooning someone and he's not around. It's not much fun eating breakfast in bed all by yourself." The owner reportedly expressed concern that Brady refused to spend the night because Kraft could never give him a baby.

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