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Grievances Brought Up With Powerless Supervisor

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Fed up with an increasing workload and problems with his coworkers at CLG Software, project coordinator William Garsten reportedly took a list of grievances Wednesday to supervisor Todd Watkins, a middle manager utterly powerless to...

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame Retires 'D' Chord

CLEVELAND—The D chord, famed for its part in innumerable classic rock songs, including "Back in Black," "Bad Moon Rising," and "Don't Be Cruel," was retired Tuesday during a ceremony at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum.

"The D chord has firmly cemented its place in rock history," said Hall of Fame founder and Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner at the induction, during which Eric Clapton, Chuck Berry, Pete Townshend, R.E.M.'s Peter Buck, and several other rock luminaries simultaneously performed the chord one last time. "We are proud to honor the legacy of this immortal and eminently prestigious musical tone by never allowing it to be played again in any genre of rock music."

The D chord will take its place in the museum's permanent collection alongside Jimi Hendrix's guitar, David Bowie's Ziggy Stardust–era platform boots, and the whole-note rest.

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