Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica

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Vol 46 Issue 28

ESPN Green-Lights 'The Decision' For 22 More Episodes

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN president George Bodenheimer announced Wednesday that the hour-long program The Decision, a melodrama about NBA superstar LeBron James declaring his intention to join the Miami Heat, has been green-lighted for an additional 22 episo...

Boulder, Colorado, Named Best Place To Raise Abducted Children

BOULDER, CO—"Boulder is the perfect place for me and the girls," said a local resident who asked that we refer to him only as Peter. "Trust me, we've lived all over: Sacramento, Reno, Tucson, Dallas, Orlando, northern Mexico for a few weeks, Dallas again, even Alaska. Nowhere else comes close."

Clinton Brought In On Economy

The White House announced Wednesday that it had enlisted former president Bill Clinton to reach out to businesses and encourage job creation.
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Rock Fans Outraged As Bob Dylan Goes Electronica

NEWPORT, RI—Audience members at the Newport Rock Festival were "outraged" Monday when rock icon Bob Dylan followed up such classic hits as "Like A Rolling Stone" and "Maggie's Farm" with an electronica set composed of atonal drones, hyperactive drumbeats, and the repeated mechanized lyric "Dance to the club life!" "We came here to see the authentic Dylan, the one with the Stratocaster guitar and signature wild blues-rock band behind him," audience member Robert Hochschild said. "Then he walks out with these puffy headphones, some turntables, and a laptop? The guy's a Judas." When asked later about his musical transformation by reporters, Dylan said he had nothing to say about the beats he programs, he just programs them.

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