Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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'Rock the Vote' Propels Metallica to Senate

WASHINGTON, DC—MTV’s Rock the Vote campaign has propelled the heavy metal group Metallica to a U.S. Senate seat. “Millions of kids rocked the vote,” MTV spokesperson Al Teaderman said. “They voted. And voted hard.” Metallica, whose new release Load is the number one album in the U.S., supports a balanced budget, welfare reform and maintaining strong relations with Pantera. “Pantera is a powerful ally,” Metallica spokesperson Lars Ulrich said of the rival metal superpower. “Together we can rock many critical legislative sessions.” The newly elected Metallica replaces retiring Senator Eugene Hatcher (R-OR).

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