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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Roger Federer Growing Frustrated As U.S. Open Drags Feet On Sending 1099 Form

BOTTMINGEN, SWITZERLAND—Roger Federer, the world's second-ranked men's tennis player, expressed consternation Monday that he was unable to file his taxes on income earned in the U.S. due to a late 1099 form for the $1.5 million he was awarded for winning the 2008 U.S. Open. "I've already gotten the paperwork for every other U.S. tournament I was in last year: my semifinal finish in the Pac Life Open, quarterfinals in the Sony Ericsson Open," Federer said while pounding away at an adding machine from his home in Bottmingen. "It's not the money; I just want to get it over with, but I swear they do this to me every year. In 2005, I didn't get the thing until Apr. 10. The U.S. Open needs to get its shit together." Federer then began to panic over whether or not he had sent the Grand Slam tennis tournament a properly filled out 1042-S form.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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