TAMPA BAY, FL—Calling the 10,000-gallon habitat hallowed ground, a local stingray told reporters Monday that he dreams of one day making it to the Tropicana Field touch tank.
MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following questions on topics ranging from his feelings about winning his fourth Australian Open title to his relationship with Tiger Woods, a visibly frustrated Roger Federer informed reporters Sunday that he was not tennis player Roger Federer and was in fact tennis player Novak Djokovic. "This is my first Grand Slam title, though I hope to win many more," said Federer, who initially appeared to be having fun at the expense of the media present by wearing a dark wig and speaking with an exaggerated Serbian accent. "Seriously, I'm Novak Djokovic. I beat Roger Federer in straight sets in the semi-finals. I repeat, my name is Novak Djokovic. That's capital N, O, V, [approx. 10 letters omitted]." Longtime tennis reporter Bud Collins said the post-match press conference was "classic loose, easygoing Federer," adding that the 14-time Grand Slam champion always remains humble and often deflects praise onto others when asked about his professional achievements.