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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Roger Federer On Winning Australian Open: 'I'm Not Roger Federer, I'm Novak Djokovic'

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following questions on topics ranging from his feelings about winning his fourth Australian Open title to his relationship with Tiger Woods, a visibly frustrated Roger Federer informed reporters Sunday that he was not tennis player Roger Federer and was in fact tennis player Novak Djokovic. "This is my first Grand Slam title, though I hope to win many more," said Federer, who initially appeared to be having fun at the expense of the media present by wearing a dark wig and speaking with an exaggerated Serbian accent. "Seriously, I'm Novak Djokovic. I beat Roger Federer in straight sets in the semi-finals. I repeat, my name is Novak Djokovic. That's capital N, O, V, [approx. 10 letters omitted]." Longtime tennis reporter Bud Collins said the post-match press conference was "classic loose, easygoing Federer," adding that the 14-time Grand Slam champion always remains humble and often deflects praise onto others when asked about his professional achievements.

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