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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Roger Federer On Winning Australian Open: 'I'm Not Roger Federer, I'm Novak Djokovic'

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following questions on topics ranging from his feelings about winning his fourth Australian Open title to his relationship with Tiger Woods, a visibly frustrated Roger Federer informed reporters Sunday that he was not tennis player Roger Federer and was in fact tennis player Novak Djokovic. "This is my first Grand Slam title, though I hope to win many more," said Federer, who initially appeared to be having fun at the expense of the media present by wearing a dark wig and speaking with an exaggerated Serbian accent. "Seriously, I'm Novak Djokovic. I beat Roger Federer in straight sets in the semi-finals. I repeat, my name is Novak Djokovic. That's capital N, O, V, [approx. 10 letters omitted]." Longtime tennis reporter Bud Collins said the post-match press conference was "classic loose, easygoing Federer," adding that the 14-time Grand Slam champion always remains humble and often deflects praise onto others when asked about his professional achievements.

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