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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Roger Federer Worried Fans Only Like Him For His Tennis Record

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following Roger Federer's straight-set victory last Sunday against Fernando Gonzalez at this year's Australian Open, the 10-time Grand Slam winner complained to reporters that fans only like him because of his outstanding record on the tennis court, not his personality. "Sometimes, I have to ask myself: If I weren't the number-one ranked player in the world, would I be getting all this attention?" said Federer, who admitted that he would rather hear the cheers of thousands after telling one of his "signature jokes" instead of after a crosscourt winner. "People don't know, but I'm a pretty fun, normal guy. In between practicing for tennis, thinking about tennis, and playing tennis, I like to eat meals, sometimes with somebody." Federer added that in order to bring his personality to the forefront, he plans on "torching the field" at this year's Wimbledon while wearing an "eclectic, slightly different shade of white."

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