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Weird, Area Woman Wasn't Harassed Today

Bewildered paralegal Caitlin Levy says that after returning home from work today, it occurred to her that, oddly, at no point during her day was she harassed, leered at, or made to feel humiliated or physically threatened.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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Roger Federer Worried Fans Only Like Him For His Tennis Record

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following Roger Federer's straight-set victory last Sunday against Fernando Gonzalez at this year's Australian Open, the 10-time Grand Slam winner complained to reporters that fans only like him because of his outstanding record on the tennis court, not his personality. "Sometimes, I have to ask myself: If I weren't the number-one ranked player in the world, would I be getting all this attention?" said Federer, who admitted that he would rather hear the cheers of thousands after telling one of his "signature jokes" instead of after a crosscourt winner. "People don't know, but I'm a pretty fun, normal guy. In between practicing for tennis, thinking about tennis, and playing tennis, I like to eat meals, sometimes with somebody." Federer added that in order to bring his personality to the forefront, he plans on "torching the field" at this year's Wimbledon while wearing an "eclectic, slightly different shade of white."

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