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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Roger Federer Worried Fans Only Like Him For His Tennis Record

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA—Following Roger Federer's straight-set victory last Sunday against Fernando Gonzalez at this year's Australian Open, the 10-time Grand Slam winner complained to reporters that fans only like him because of his outstanding record on the tennis court, not his personality. "Sometimes, I have to ask myself: If I weren't the number-one ranked player in the world, would I be getting all this attention?" said Federer, who admitted that he would rather hear the cheers of thousands after telling one of his "signature jokes" instead of after a crosscourt winner. "People don't know, but I'm a pretty fun, normal guy. In between practicing for tennis, thinking about tennis, and playing tennis, I like to eat meals, sometimes with somebody." Federer added that in order to bring his personality to the forefront, he plans on "torching the field" at this year's Wimbledon while wearing an "eclectic, slightly different shade of white."

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