adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

Roger Goodell Asks Football Fans How Much They Are Willing To Pay To Make Pro Bowl Go Away

NEW YORK­—Football fans "do not like the Pro Bowl" and "would rather get rid of the all-star game altogether," NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told reporters Saturday, saying the league is open to hearing exactly how much money viewers are willing to offer to make a Pro Bowl cancellation happen. "The fans have said this is becoming embarrassing for the sport, and we want them to know we're listening. So there's a seat at the bargaining table waiting for them," said Goodell, gesturing to his team of accountants and lawyers. "As the Players Association saw last year, we will consider all offers in good faith, but we're not going to just give you everything you want and leave money on the table. Name a sum, and we'll see how badly you don't want this." Sources inside the league said they were not expecting an unusually large deal with the fans, as the NFL already takes in more than 95% of Americans' discretionary income.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close