Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

In This Section

Vol 48 Issue 07

Oh Fuck, What The Fuck Is That?

Animal 7 p.m. EST/6 p.m. CST A woman talks about the time she saw what had to be a centipede just sitting there in her bathroom—covered in fur and the size of her fucking arm—but when she came back it was gone and that's even more terrifying.

Smug New Mom Going To Start A Blog

SAN FRANCISCO—Three days after giving birth, first-time mother Courtney Baldritch has registered with the web service WordPress for the purpose of blogging the severely underdocumented experience of child-rearing.

Come Away With Me

Fox 9 p.m. EST/8 p.m. CST Norah Jones sips a glass of wine and watches people have sex to Norah Jones songs.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Late Night

Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Roger Goodell Backs Off Expansion Talk After Being Reminded Of Jacksonville Jaguars

NEW YORK—Amid talks of "possibly adding a 32nd team" to the National Football League, Commissioner Roger Goodell was reminded by aides Tuesday that the Jaguars have been playing in the AFC South for more than a decade. "Oh, right, of course! The Jaguars," a sheepish Goodell said at a press conference originally called to discuss possible new NFL cities. "Teal, right? But not the Panthers. Teal, cats, not very good—you can see how we got that wrong. We will certainly be making internal adjustments to ensure we don't forget them again." Goodell did say, however, that the NFL was still interested in someday fielding a team in a large warm-weather city such as Los Angeles; San Antonio, TX; or even Jacksonville, FL.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More