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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Roger Goodell Proposes Eliminating Ball From NFL

NEW YORK—Responding to concerns about high injury rates on plays involving a football, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell introduced a possible rule change Friday that would eliminate balls from the game entirely. “Footballs pose a significant safety hazard, and nothing is more important to the league than our players’ safety,” said Goodell, who noted that footballs often hurtle through the air at more than 50 miles per hour before slamming violently into receivers and defenders. “Under the new rules, the NFL would remain committed to preserving the parts of the sport that make it great—players would line up, run, block, and tackle as normal, but they would do so without the highly dangerous footballs we currently use.” Goodell mentioned that the league is also considering a rule change that would reduce unsafe collisions by imposing a strict 3-mph on-field speed limit.

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