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Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Carson Wentz

After being selected second overall in the 2016 NFL Draft, Philadelphia Eagles quarterback Carson Wentz opened the season with a nearly flawless performance in a victory over the Cleveland Browns. Is he any good?
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Roman Populace Constantly Argues Whether Chariot-Racing Is Actually A Sport

While the practice of racing chariots on circular or oval tracks enjoyed extreme popularity in the Roman Empire, particularly in the rural Southern provinces, historians claim its legitimacy as an athletic event was often a topic of heated debate among contemporary sports enthusiasts.

"Circus Maximus races captivated thousands of fans, but many Romans vehemently argued that, while standing in a chariot and being propelled by several horses may have taken a certain skill, the activity did not qualify as a sport," said Robert Page, a classics professor at the University of Cincinnati. "On the other hand, hardcore chariot-racing fans shot back that the heightened reflexes needed to avoid collisions, the hand-eye coordination required to maneuver the chariot itself, and the physical endurance necessary to withstand the long races all made it a viable athletic contest."

Despite the quarreling, chariot race results and news were covered in the Compositus Ludus, or Sports section, of the Roman daily gazette Acta Diurna.

"It was presented as a sport, certainly," Page said. "Still, many Romans felt that most plebeians merely watched it for the grisly equine collisions, and that ultimately there was no real strategy to chariot-racing other than whipping the horses and telling them to go fast."

Page also noted that a pattern emerged following the translation of hundreds of poorly written documents by chariot-racing aficionados: No matter how long or heated an argument became, it always ended with the defenders of chariot-racing declaring, "Have you ever even watched an entire race? No? So shut your fucking mouth."

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