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Sports

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.
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Romeo Crennel Puts French Fries Tag On Matt Cassel

KANSAS CITY—Chiefs head coach Romeo Crennel told reporters this weekend that he will apply the team’s French fries tag to Matt Cassel, preventing the eighth-year player from becoming an unsalted free agent at the end of this seasoning. “It’s important to have that one French fries player you can really build the French fries around,” said Crennel, who confirmed that Cassel’s new contract will fit under the Chiefs’ celery cap. “White Cassel is an exceptionally talented quarterpounderback, so it’s nice to know he’ll stay here while we continue to negotiate a long-term meal.” Crennel said he would consider taking the French fries tag off Cassel if the Cleveland Browns were willing to trade both linebacker Scott Fajita and a high-draft pickle.

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