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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Romeo Crennel To Charlie Weis: 'I Need You To Come Over Right Now And Stop Me From Eating These Five Chocolate Wedding Cakes'

CLEVELAND—According to telephone transcripts and voicemail recordings, panicked Cleveland Browns head coach Romeo Crennel called former colleague, current Notre Dame coach, and Overeaters Anonymous sponsor Charlie Weis Tuesday, pleading for Weis to come to his house and stop him from eating five multi-tiered chocolate wedding cakes. "Charlie? Charlie, I... I have a fork in one hand a big jug of milk in the other. I've already eaten the mocha-hazelnut bride and groom figurines. Oh, God, Charlie," said Crennel, who went on to add that when he originally purchased the wedding cakes, he told himself he merely wanted "the comfort of knowing they were close by." "If you don't get here soon, all of it is going to be gone, and I'll have failed again... Oh. Oh, my, it's Dutch choc- [inaudible]." Upon arriving, Weis reportedly found Crennel lying on his kitchen floor in a pool of melted confectionery, deep in diabetic shock, with a rictus of mingled pleasure and self-disgust frozen on his chocolate-covered face.

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