adBlockCheck

Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
End Of Section
  • More News

Romeo Crennel Upset With Team's Offense And That Nestle Crunch Bars No Longer Come Wrapped In Foil

CLEVELAND—At his usual press conference Monday, Browns coach Romeo Crennel expressed disappointment in his offense's poor effort and inability to capitalize on a strong defensive game against the Colts as well as Nestle's decision to no longer package its signature Nestle Crunch bar in aluminum foil. "I have two priorities this week: getting Ken [Dorsey] comfortable and in control on the field, and finding a candy bar that doesn't create a distracting mess in your pocket because of its inferior wrapping," said Crennel, adding that the Crunch bar's foil used to make him feel as if he were eating the chocolate bar from Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. "Dorsey's an outstanding player and we have to support him with quality play. And the Crunch is an outstanding and delicious treat, but it isn't supported by that cheap plastic wrapper. Krackels are good—I gave them out for Halloween this year—but I like Nestle chocolate better." Krennel explained it also is important for backup quarterback Brady Quinn to ice up his broken finger because he "likes it when the candy bars are cold."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close