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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
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Romney Celebrates Florida Win With All-Night Miami Beach Rave

MIAMI BEACH, FL—Sparing no expense to celebrate his 14-point win over Newt Gingrich in last night's Florida primary, Mitt Romney hosted a lavish all-night rave at Miami's Club Amnesia Tuesday, packing the popular hot spot with a crowd of more than 2,000 enthusiastic supporters who danced and drank complimentary Cîroc vodka until dawn. "Boy, the Romney campaign really knows how to throw an insane party," said 26-year-old South Beach resident Anthony de Silva, recalling how crazy the crowd went when Romney's old friend Tiësto showed up to spin an impromptu neo-trance set. "At one point—I think it was around four in the morning—I saw Romney himself with a pacifier in his mouth, waving around a pair of glow sticks and shuffling like he was possessed by some kind of demon. I really hope he wins the nomination in August." As of press time Wednesday morning, sources reported seeing the disoriented former Massachusetts governor climbing down from the roof of a lifeguard tower, dressed in only his all-access VIP badge.

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Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

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