adBlockCheck

Politics

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
End Of Section
  • More News

Romney Comes Clean, Admits He Made $32 Trillion In 2006

BOSTON—In an effort to make a full disclosure of his professional and financial records following discrepancies over his stewardship of Bain Capital, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney admitted Monday that in 2006 he personally made $32 trillion. "It has never been my intention to mislead anybody about my financial history, and so I think it's important for me to reveal that I made roughly $30 trillion dollars in 2006, with various contractual bonuses pushing that total closer to $32 trillion," Romney told an assembled press corps, adding that his 14-figure net income was accurately represented on his 2006 tax return. "I also made $28 trillion dollars in 2007. And another $32 trillion in 2008. The fact is, I am a trillionaire many, many times over, and I don't want anyone to think I haven't been completely honest and transparent about that." The former Massachusetts governor also took the opportunity to reveal that he is currently serving on the directorial boards of 483 Fortune 500 companies.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close