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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Romney Delivers Stern Warning To China, Speaking Directly Into The Camera In Fluent Mandarin

BOCA RATON, FL—After asserting during Monday’s foreign policy debate that Americans needed a president who would “finally stand up to China,” Republican nominee Mitt Romney responded to a question on international trade by looking intently into the television camera and addressing Beijing’s leaders in their native language. “As president, I will crack down on China, and I’d like to make one thing clear to President Hu [Jintao] right now,” the candidate said before locking his gaze on the camera and issuing a stern set of remarks in perfectly accented Mandarin. 中国的领导  我毫不含糊地向你们肯定  当我做了总统  我 定会确保中国遵守国际贸易规则  你们国家长久以来用操纵汇率让你们自己的制造业受益  打击我们美国的制造业  这是不公平的  我的政府不会接受中国这样的行为  当我进白宫的第 天  我就会把中国列入 率操纵国 这是对你们的警告 Jabbing a finger at the camera as he concluded his statement, Romney held his firm, unbroken glare for several seconds before tersely ordering debate moderator Bob Schieffer to move on to the next question.

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