Romney Requiring Potential Running Mates To Write 5,000 Word Essay On Favorite Things About Money

Top Headlines


Where Your Political Donation Goes

With over $1 billion spent in the 2016 presidential race alone, campaign donations continue to cause much controversy and even confusion for their role in shaping politics. Here is a step-by-step guide to how the average American’s political donation travels through a campaign

Fact-Checking The Third Presidential Debate

Presidential nominees Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump sparred over subjects including foreign policy, the economy, and their fitness to hold the nation’s highest office in the final debate Wednesday. The Onion examines the validity of their assertions

Intergalactic Law Enforcement Officers Place Energy Shackles On Hillary Clinton

PARADISE, NV—Materializing through a dimensional portal in front of a stunned audience at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, intergalactic law enforcement officers reportedly appeared onstage during Wednesday night’s presidential debate and placed a pair of glowing blue energy shackles on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton.

Trump Complains Entire Personality Rigged Against Him

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Responding to his flagging poll numbers and a string of newspaper editorials and cable news pundits questioning his fitness to lead, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly complained to a rally crowd Thursday that for the entirety of this race, his personality has been rigged against him.

Fact-Checking The Second Presidential Debate

Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton and Republican nominee Donald Trump discussed topics including national security, taxes, and their ongoing personal scandals in a contentious town hall presidential debate Sunday. The Onion evaluates the truthfulness of their claims

Trump Vomits Immediately After Seeing Everyday Americans Up Close

ST. LOUIS—His face turning deathly pale and beads of cold sweat forming on his brow as he took his seat for the town hall forum at Washington University, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly vomited directly onto the debate stage Sunday night upon viewing everyday Americans up close.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Romney Requiring Potential Running Mates To Write 5,000 Word Essay On Favorite Things About Money

BOSTON—As part of its vetting process to select a potential vice president, the Romney campaign reportedly asked each of its shortlisted candidates this week to submit a 10-page essay describing, in detail, what they like most about money. "Before Mitt makes a final decision, he feels it's necessary to know what a prospective running mate’s favorite aspects of money are, be it its rich green color; its ability to be exchanged for luxury items like cars or beachfront homes; or the way it looks in neat, towering stacks," deputy campaign manager Katie Packer Gage told reporters Thursday. "We've made it clear to each essayist that Mitt’s not looking for anything specific here. In fact, he wants candidates to just cut loose and really explore attributes they may not have even realized they loved about money, such as its durable cotton paper stock or how it spontaneously grows when left completely alone in a bank account. Mitt wants to get a sense that if, God forbid, something were to happen to him as president, the individual filling his shoes would not only be capable of loving money as much as he does, but would be able to think about it in interesting, abstract ways." According to several campaign sources who asked not to be identified, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty has thus far distinguished himself from the field with a nearly 12,000-word composition describing how deeply he enjoys exchanging 20 one-dollar bills for a single twenty.


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close