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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Romney Stares Uncomprehendingly At $1 Bill

POCATELLO, ID—A $1 bill somehow made its way into the hands of Mitt Romney during a campaign stop Thursday, reportedly causing the Republican presidential candidate a moment of uncomprehending fascination. "What am I looking at here? What is this?" said Romney, squinting at the bill as he turned it over and over in his hands. "It almost looks like money, but it's missing the zeroes. Huh. Do people try to buy things with this?" Romney finally crumpled up the bill and threw it away, chuckling as he told reporters that "whoever thought that one up must be a real wiseacre." 

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