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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Romney Tailors Nursing Home Visit To Those Who Will Still Be Alive On Election Day

DAVENPORT, OH—While making campaign stops in Ohio Thursday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney stopped by the Morningside Assisted-Living Center, where he talked exclusively to elderly men and women who will still be alive and physically able to vote this November. "President Obama has given us a failed economic policy, a job-killing health care plan, and out-of-control government spending, but if I'm elected, I can promise a better, brighter America for you, you, you, not you, definitely not you, and…you," Romney said while shaking the outstretched hands of only the healthiest-looking residents in the Morningside dining hall. "Together, the five of us can help turn this country back into the thriving, prosperous place it once was." At press time, Romney was waiting for his advisers to check the medical records of a smiling 92-year-old woman before returning her wave.

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Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

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