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Man Born With Face You Just Want To Punch

In case you missed last night's premiere of the second season of "Onion News Network", watch Jean Anne Whorton's touching portrait of a man who was born with a god-awful, hateful face.

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:
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Romney Tells Heartbreaking Lie About Single Mother Of 4 He Never Met

HEMPSTEAD, NY—In response to a question on unemployment asked during tonight’s town-hall-style debate, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney shared a touching and poignant lie about meeting a struggling single mother of four on the campaign trail. “Just the other day I was in Richmond, VA, and a young woman named Sarah walked up to me and told me she had just lost her job and was finding it harder and harder to put food on the table for her kids,” Romney said of the woman he has never actually met because she does not exist. “She said to me, ‘Mitt, I just can’t survive another four years of high taxes and out-of-control government spending under President Obama.’ Well, Sarah, if you’re watching tonight, I want you to know that under my watch, we will reduce the tax burden on Americans, bring back jobs, and make sure everyone has a chance to be successful.” Sources confirmed the debate audience was also moved by another completely fabricated story in which Romney spoke of an elderly woman in Ohio who isn’t real and who tearfully explained that she just wants to make her own choices about health care.

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