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Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

Escalating Tensions Lead Trump To Shake Up Inner Circle Of TV Programs

WASHINGTON—Saying the decision arose out of the necessity to weed out certain key members whose values no longer aligned with the president’s, White House spokesman Sean Spicer told reporters Thursday that escalating tensions have led President Trump to shake up his inner circle of television programs.
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Romney Throws Quinceañera For Ann In Last-Minute Attempt To Get Hispanic Vote

SANFORD, FL—With election day looming, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney tried one last time Monday to cut into Barack Obama’s large lead among Latino voters by putting on an elaborate quinceañera celebration for his wife, Ann. “Today, Ann became a woman,” said Romney, who mentioned that he helped Ann choose the gorgeous, jeweled white-and-yellow dress she wore as she danced a traditional waltz for an audience assembled in the basement of the Spanish Church of God. “From the cutting of the cake, to the 15-candle ceremony, to the changing of the shoes that symbolized her changing from girlhood to womanhood, this was Ann’s very own special day. We are all so proud of her.” Sources also confirmed the customary gift-giving reception following the quinceañera garnered several hundred thousand dollars in donations for the Romney campaign.

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Trump: ‘I Am A Very Stupid Human Being’

WASHINGTON—Responding to a damning ‘Washington Post’ report alleging he had shared highly classified information with Russian officials, President Donald Trump addressed the concerns of the press, his fellow government officials, and the public at large Tuesday by announcing that he was an incredibly stupid human being.

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