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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Ron Artest Issues Vague Threat Of 'Return To Form' In Game 3

SAN ANTONIO—Shortly after the NBA announced that Ron Artest would be suspended for Game 2 for elbowing Manu Ginobili in the head during the third quarter of the Spurs-Kings series opener, the Kings forward issued a barely concealed threat in which he promised that he would return for Game 3 "in classic form" and that "the gloves are off for this one." "Everybody better watch out, because I'm more motivated than ever to get out there and do some real damage on the court," Artest said in a statement directed either at members of the Spurs, or members of the Spurs, Spurs coach Gregg Popovich, NBA referees, members of the Kings, and the approximately 17,317 fans scheduled to be in attendance at ARCO Arena Friday night. "The only way to truly even this series is to get back to basics, play Ron Artest basketball, and use the same techniques that got me to where I am today." Asked to clarify his remarks, Artest would only say that he planned to "really outdo himself this time" and that Friday's matchup would be "a heavyweight fight to the finish, and if I can get Big Bear and Crusher to the arena, possibly even a dogfight."

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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