adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
End Of Section
  • More News

Ron Artest Tells Reporters He Lives For The NBA Playoffs, Coconut Shrimp

LOS ANGELES—With his team down 3-2 to the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals, Rockets forward Ron Artest explained in a postgame interview Tuesday that he lives for the pressure and excitement of the NBA Playoffs as well as a plateful of sweet, crunchy coconut shrimp. "That's why I'm here. This is what it's all about," Artest said while dunking one of several jumbo-sized postgame coconut shrimp into a cup of piña colada dipping sauce. "I love the NBA. I really love it. Just as I love coconut shrimp." Basketball commentators have responded to Artest's claims by saying they are "really in the mood for coconut shrimp."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close