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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Ron Artest Tells Reporters He Lives For The NBA Playoffs, Coconut Shrimp

LOS ANGELES—With his team down 3-2 to the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals, Rockets forward Ron Artest explained in a postgame interview Tuesday that he lives for the pressure and excitement of the NBA Playoffs as well as a plateful of sweet, crunchy coconut shrimp. "That's why I'm here. This is what it's all about," Artest said while dunking one of several jumbo-sized postgame coconut shrimp into a cup of piña colada dipping sauce. "I love the NBA. I really love it. Just as I love coconut shrimp." Basketball commentators have responded to Artest's claims by saying they are "really in the mood for coconut shrimp."

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