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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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Ron Statsky's Services

This week the troubled Democratic party entered therapy with Political Party Counselor Ron Statsky. Below is a description of the services he offers as listed in his promotional material:

Is your political party having problems? Do you feel like the spark your party once had for governing is gone? Have small frustrations with your party over making too many concessions or failing to pass certain bills turned into deep-seeded resentments? Have you ever gotten so angry with members of your party that you have contemplated creating attack ads against them? Are fundraising problems causing tensions in your House? Does your party only pass legislation once or twice a year anymore?

It does not have to be that way. In my 15 years as a political party therapist, I have helped countless political parties change for the better. You can get back that special feeling you first had when you were first elected. You can learn to love your political party again.

The itinerary of a typical party-counseling session:

  • Opening Remarks
  • Circle Share (alphabetical order by state)
  • House/Senate Human Knot
  • Listening To The Speaker
  • -Lunch-
  • When Lobbyist Money Becomes A Problem
  • Overcoming Party Infidelity
  • Staying Together For The Constituency
  • Ceremonial Re-lighting Of The Fire

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