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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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Rookie Geno Smith Has Already Mastered Jets Offense

NEW YORK—After Jets quarterback Geno Smith finished last week’s game against the Giants with a 45.7 passer rating, head coach Rex Ryan told reporters Thursday that the team is very encouraged by the rookie’s mastery of their offensive system. “All camp we’ve watched to see if Geno understands what we’re trying to do here, and by completing barely half of his passes and throwing three interceptions against the Giants, he proved to everyone that he does,” said Ryan, adding that Smith demonstrated a firm grasp of key schematic elements such as staring down reads, throwing balls behind receivers, and rarely leading a drive of more than 20 yards. “When Geno carelessly scrambled out of the back of our end zone for a safety, I knew he was ready to lead the Jets in the regular season. He gets it.” Ryan confirmed that Smith’s greatest areas for improvement are boosting his relatively low sack and fumble totals.

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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