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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Rookie Infielder Still Learning Names Of Every Base

PHOENIX—Admitting that it has taken him a while to get fully oriented since being called up to the majors, rookie Arizona Diamondbacks shortstop Chris Owings confirmed Wednesday that he is still attempting to learn and memorize the names of all four bases. “I know first—that one’s pretty easy—but after that, things start to get a little tricky,” the first-year infielder told reporters, noting that his lack of familiarity with the baseball diamond often forces him to refer to a base by simply pointing at it and saying “that one.” “And I can usually remember side base and middle base, but sometimes, I blank on those, too. There are just so many of them that it’s easy to get confused.” Owings expressed his relief, however, to learn that, like him, many of his Diamondbacks teammates are unable to figure out the difference between right and left field.

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