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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Rookie Ndamukong Suh Records Lions First-Ever Tackle

CHICAGO—Rookie defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh, the Lions' first pick in this year's NFL draft, lived up to expectations Sunday by recording the first tackle in Detroit Lions history. "We knew Big Suh had potential, but to record a milestone like this in his first game… We're all just speechless," head coach Jim Schwartz told reporters at a postgame press conference, adding that the only previous Lions player to even come close to making a tackle was defensive end Alex Wojciechowicz, who in 1942 ran Chicago Cardinals quarterback Bud Schwenk out of bounds. "Of course I congratulated him afterwards, but I also warned him not to get too cocky. The lows can get pretty low around here." Team historians were quick to note that while this was the Lions' first-ever defensive tackle, former Lions running back Barry Sanders was, during his decade-long career, accidentally tackled 273 times by his own offensive line.

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