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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Rookie Running Back Can't Break Habit Of Saying 'Thank You' During Handoffs

CHICAGO—Despite Matt Forte's remarkably strong rookie year thus far, Bears coaches are concerned that their running back's progress may be hindered by his habit of carefully thanking the quarterback after each handoff. "It demonstrates his strong character and team ethic, but it really is unnecessary to say things like 'Thank you,' 'You shouldn't have,' and 'Oh, all for me? But I didn't get you anything,'" said position coach Tim Spencer, who expressed concern that screen passes might be telegraphed by Forte's insistence on shouting "Please?" when open. "We got him down to 'Thanks,' which is a start, but his impeccable manners are already starting to rub off on his teammates. [Quarterback] Kyle [Orton] is saying 'You're welcome' out of reflex, and our linemen won't stop pardoning themselves and saying 'Excuse me' as they block the defense out of the way. It's becoming a distraction." Other Bears jumping on the etiquette bandwagon include Devin Hester, who bids "Farewell" to opposing special teamers, and Rex Grossman, who has been gentlemanly about sharing his spot on the bench.

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