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Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Rookie Running Back Can't Break Habit Of Saying 'Thank You' During Handoffs

CHICAGO—Despite Matt Forte's remarkably strong rookie year thus far, Bears coaches are concerned that their running back's progress may be hindered by his habit of carefully thanking the quarterback after each handoff. "It demonstrates his strong character and team ethic, but it really is unnecessary to say things like 'Thank you,' 'You shouldn't have,' and 'Oh, all for me? But I didn't get you anything,'" said position coach Tim Spencer, who expressed concern that screen passes might be telegraphed by Forte's insistence on shouting "Please?" when open. "We got him down to 'Thanks,' which is a start, but his impeccable manners are already starting to rub off on his teammates. [Quarterback] Kyle [Orton] is saying 'You're welcome' out of reflex, and our linemen won't stop pardoning themselves and saying 'Excuse me' as they block the defense out of the way. It's becoming a distraction." Other Bears jumping on the etiquette bandwagon include Devin Hester, who bids "Farewell" to opposing special teamers, and Rex Grossman, who has been gentlemanly about sharing his spot on the bench.

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