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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Roommate All Into Cycling Now

IOWA CITY, IA—According to area resident Jonathan Radzinski, after two months of being completely into fencing, roommate Jeff Specht is suddenly all into cycling. "For the longest time it was fencing and now, like, from out of nowhere, there's all this cycling shit all over the apartment," Radzinski said. "There's two bikes in the front hallway, and he's got some kind of timer thing that he always leaves on the table. And I keep finding these little lycra racing outfits draped across the radiator." Radzinski said he is jolted awake at 4:30 a.m. five times a week by the sound of Specht's alarm clock, which wakes the temporary cycling enthusiast for his morning ride. Specht's previous all-consuming interests include kayaking, black-and-white photography and home brewing.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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