Rosa Parks Not Really Honored By New Bus Depot

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

Rosa Parks Not Really Honored By New Bus Depot

DETROIT (Nov. 4)—The Detroit Department of Transportation announced Monday that it attempted to honor the memory of civil-rights pioneer and hometown hero Rosa Parks by naming a new downtown bus depot after her. "We believe that the Rosa Parks Transit Center is a fitting tribute to a woman who came to epitomize courage and principle," Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick said at the depot’s groundbreaking. "Although, come to think of it, no one wants to have their name associated with a grimy bus depot, much less spend five minutes there." A contrite City Council is expected to propose a simple statue in the downtown area after more careful consideration.