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Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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Royal Baby Already Making New Friends

LONDON—Just six weeks after entering into the world, sources close to the Royal Family confirmed today that the newborn heir to the British throne is already making new friends. “The prince is barely a month old, but he already has all sorts of friends following him around wherever he goes—he’s quite the social butterfly!” said a Buckingham Palace aide, noting that the young monarch’s new buddies love to crawl around with him and make funny little sounds. “There seem to be more of them every day, in fact! At this rate, he’ll soon be the most popular boy in England.” At press time, a gleeful pack of the royal baby’s friends were reportedly playing with Prince William.

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Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.

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