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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Royal Baby Has Father’s Eyes

LONDON—Just hours after the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to a healthy baby boy, a source close to the Royal Family reported today that the newborn heir to the British throne has his father’s eyes. “I saw His young Highness earlier today, and I can tell you that he definitely has Prince William’s famous baby blues,” the anonymous source told The Sun after reportedly viewing the royal baby during a feeding at Buckingham Palace. “He also has his father’s ears and jaw, and his grandfather Prince Charles’ nose. And he has a full head of dark hair that looks just like his mother’s.” The source stated that the energetic infant prince spent much of the afternoon delightedly playing with his father’s hands.

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