adBlockCheck

Royal Baby Speaks First Words

Top Headlines

Recent News

Rest Of Nation To Penn State: ‘Something Is Very Wrong With All Of You’

WASHINGTON—Stating they felt deeply unnerved by the community’s unwavering and impassioned defense of a football program and administration that enabled child sexual abuse over the course of several decades, the rest of the country informed Penn State University Friday that there is clearly something very wrong with all of them.

Strongside/Weakside: Lamar Jackson

After passing for eight touchdowns and rushing for another 10 in just the first three weeks of the season, Louisville Cardinals sophomore quarterback Lamar Jackson has quickly become the frontrunner to win the Heisman Trophy. Is he any good?

Obesity: Myth Vs. Fact

With as many as one in three people in the U.S. qualifying as obese, misconceptions are often formed about what it means to be significantly overweight. The Onion separates obesity myths from facts
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Royal Baby Speaks First Words

Listen: The Royal Baby's First Words

LONDON—Mere hours after Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton gave birth, excited sources close to the family reported that the royal newborn has already uttered his very first words. “Apparently, the little bundle of joy simply couldn’t keep quiet about all the excitement and has already surprised the Royal Family with a few words of his own,” said Daily Mirror contributor Jennifer Gibb, who acquired a short recording of the infant’s words from an anonymous source within Buckingham Palace. “The eager young prince supposedly has a lot on his mind, and I think I speak for everyone when I say the whole world is waiting to hear what he has to say!” Sources added that shortly after speaking his first words, the hungry infant then cried for more food.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close