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Royals’ Agent Books Team For High-Profile Gig In New York City

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Royals’ Agent Books Team For High-Profile Gig In New York City

KANSAS CITY—Calling it their chance to finally hit the big time, booking agent Freddie Holt announced this morning that he had landed the Kansas City Royals a major gig in New York City this August. “This is it, fellas: the big leagues!” said Holt, who promised that instead of the “crappy” Midwest venues they’ve been doing for months, the team would be “playing in front of thousands of screaming fans in The Big Apple.” “Everyone’s gonna be watching you. There’ll be big lights, TV cameras—maybe even a reporter for The New York Times! So, don’t blow it, or you’ll be back here in Kauffman Stadium before you know it.” Players were reportedly disappointed to learn the gig was actually in Queens and not Manhattan, but agreed that playing on the East Coast at all was “still a huge deal.”

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