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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Royals’ Agent Books Team For High-Profile Gig In New York City

KANSAS CITY—Calling it their chance to finally hit the big time, booking agent Freddie Holt announced this morning that he had landed the Kansas City Royals a major gig in New York City this August. “This is it, fellas: the big leagues!” said Holt, who promised that instead of the “crappy” Midwest venues they’ve been doing for months, the team would be “playing in front of thousands of screaming fans in The Big Apple.” “Everyone’s gonna be watching you. There’ll be big lights, TV cameras—maybe even a reporter for The New York Times! So, don’t blow it, or you’ll be back here in Kauffman Stadium before you know it.” Players were reportedly disappointed to learn the gig was actually in Queens and not Manhattan, but agreed that playing on the East Coast at all was “still a huge deal.”

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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