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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Royals Courting Masahiro Tanaka By Highlighting Kansas City’s Rich Japanese History

KANSAS CITY—In a meeting that included an elaborate tea ceremony, the Kansas City Royals made their bid to sign prized right-hander Masahiro Tanaka by highlighting their city’s vibrant Japanese history, sources confirmed Thursday. “From several world-class Tang Dynasty art museums to the countless Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines in the metropolitan area, Kansas City reverently honors the ancient traditions of the Japanese people,” said general manager Dayton Moore, who invited Tanaka to join him in the onsen, a Japanese hot spring, behind the centerfield wall. “With numerous cherry blossom festivals and Gagaku concerts, you’ll feel right at home. In fact, many regard K.C. as Little Tokyo.” Following the meeting, witnesses confirmed that the 25-year-old was treated to a Royals-themed kabuki performance starring the team’s current pitching staff.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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