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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Royals Courting Masahiro Tanaka By Highlighting Kansas City’s Rich Japanese History

KANSAS CITY—In a meeting that included an elaborate tea ceremony, the Kansas City Royals made their bid to sign prized right-hander Masahiro Tanaka by highlighting their city’s vibrant Japanese history, sources confirmed Thursday. “From several world-class Tang Dynasty art museums to the countless Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines in the metropolitan area, Kansas City reverently honors the ancient traditions of the Japanese people,” said general manager Dayton Moore, who invited Tanaka to join him in the onsen, a Japanese hot spring, behind the centerfield wall. “With numerous cherry blossom festivals and Gagaku concerts, you’ll feel right at home. In fact, many regard K.C. as Little Tokyo.” Following the meeting, witnesses confirmed that the 25-year-old was treated to a Royals-themed kabuki performance starring the team’s current pitching staff.

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