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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Royals GM Didn't Know He Was Allowed To Make Moves During Offseason

KANSAS CITY, MO—During a Monday conference call with the media, Royals GM Dayton Moore confessed he had "no idea" he was permitted to make player transactions between baseball seasons. "I guess that makes sense. I was always a little surprised when teams came back the next spring with different players," said Moore, adding that he just assumed most teams made the last of their personnel decisions during Game 7 of the World Series. "I've already contacted the agents for Hideki Matsui and John Lackey to try and convince them to play here for free, and I'm working on a trade for Jason Varitek. He's got something to prove." Moore said the revelation that he would be working through the winter gave him all the more reason to look forward to his annual October vacation.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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