Royals GM Didn't Know He Was Allowed To Make Moves During Offseason

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Vol 45 Issue 50

Everyone In Dream Smells Smoke

DAYTON, OH—Every single person, historical figure, and anthropomorphic talking object from Brian Jensen's dream Sunday night was suddenly struck by the unusually powerful smell of smoke, subconscious sources reported.

Mark Ingram

The Alabama halfback may become the first Crimson Tide player ever to win the Heisman. Is he any good?
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Royals GM Didn't Know He Was Allowed To Make Moves During Offseason

KANSAS CITY, MO—During a Monday conference call with the media, Royals GM Dayton Moore confessed he had "no idea" he was permitted to make player transactions between baseball seasons. "I guess that makes sense. I was always a little surprised when teams came back the next spring with different players," said Moore, adding that he just assumed most teams made the last of their personnel decisions during Game 7 of the World Series. "I've already contacted the agents for Hideki Matsui and John Lackey to try and convince them to play here for free, and I'm working on a trade for Jason Varitek. He's got something to prove." Moore said the revelation that he would be working through the winter gave him all the more reason to look forward to his annual October vacation.

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